To begin at the beginning we would have to go all the way back to Adam and Eve and original sin. We are all born with a sin- nature as is quite apparent even in young children. And yes, even my youngest was born with this curse. Abigail, "Father's Joy," was definitely her father's joy...except when she wasn't. Life was full of extremes and high drama. And she was not above stamping her little foot or getting on the floor and throwing a tantrum...even at 6 years old. While many wrote it off as youthful defiance, I could see the heart of blatant rebellion toward the Lord. She turned on her charm to manipulate and occasionally with pure joy but much of the time, she was an angry, petulant, completely independent little girl.
We have talked with our children about Christ and his work on the cross ever since they were little. M and I have given them many opportunities to hear the gospel and even opportunities to accept it for themselves. There has been no question from day one that big brother accepted Christ when he was very young. E was a bit older before she was willing to set aside her defiance to accept Christ's sacrifice for her, but it instantly softened her and began a work in her heart to replace her fears with security in Him. Abigail, the baby of the family, has been able to explain sin and God's sacrifice from a very early age. She told us she wanted to pray and receive Christ a year or two ago. But like the others, I gave opportunity after opportunity to reaffirm and bear witness with the fruit of the Spirit. And so despite declaring a conversion experience on at least two separate occasions, I was unconvinced by the lack of fruit. In fact, I became more and more burdened by it because I watched my child willfully and defiantly choosing sin and even declaring "she wanted to go to hell." True, she did not fully comprehend her desires, but she was not your typical six year old who didn't really care. She intentionally chose to turn toward self and sin. Her struggle: she wanted to be in charge of everything. She would only submit when it was within her plans. She wanted to rule her own life, her own destiny. Isn't this at the root of almost all sin? But it was all the more apparent with this child. For the last year, she had been yelling in anger, "I feel like I'm a slave!" whenever I asked her to do a chore. We had discussed how we love her and care for her, more like a Biblical bond-servant than a slave. We had discussed how God placed Mommy and Daddy in charge and that she is to submit and obey. We had talked to her about how we are to submit ourselves ultimately to God as boss for He has bought us with a price. She declared she wanted to make God her "boss," but nothing ever changed. Self- control was next to impossible. And anger constantly reigned.
But one day, November 30, 2018, all that was to change. Abigail sat at lunch and yelled at me with her usual mantra, "I feel like I'm a slave!" This time, however, I felt the time had come to address it. I typically could ignore it, but I also did not want to be responsible for not checking the disrespect implicit in this tirade. God orchestrated this confrontation on a day when Michael was off work. I calmly called Michael in to help address this. And God proceeded to speak through my husband in a way that amazed me. M reminded her that she had declared herself to feel a slave. Yes, she was a slave. She was already a slave to sin and satan or she could choose to be a slave to Christ. It was certain she would be a slave either way. Her choice was which master she would choose to serve. It had never dawned on me (nor her either) that she was already a slave. Miss Independent Abigail had thought she was serving herself, but realized that day that she was a slave to her own sin and following satan as master.
I watched as Michael called her across the room to him so he could lovingly discipline her for her disrespect. She was completely out of control and kept repeating, "I can never be perfect! I'm scared. I can never be perfect!" We had never even talked to her about being perfect but her heart had burdened her so much that she was beside herself. Michael encouraged her to cry out to the Lord for help to walk across the room and to face this inner battle. I sat on the edge of the bed sobbing and crying out aloud in intercessory prayer for this precious daughter. It was almost as clear as if I saw the spiritual realm in front of me literally. There was a definite spiritual battle playing out in front of me. God calling her to her father's side with love to follow Christ while satan was whispering in her ear that she would always be a failure and deceiptfully encouraging her to stay "in charge" of her own life. But trudging across the room very slowly--as if in chains--, my little girl sobbed, "God, help me." She made it to my husband's side where he administered discipline and gave my spent little girl a big hug. He suggested she then go to our closet to pray and spend some time with God.
Five minutes later, Abigail found me in the kitchen and apologized for her disrespect. Her whole demeanor was calmer. I gave her a hug and kiss and asked her if she had talked to God. She said, "Yes. I told him I was sorry for my sin and I asked Him in my heart!" While I was rejoicing that God was at work, I very skeptically asked her if that meant she was ready to be a slave to God. She did not answer immediately, but paused. Then she declared, "Yes." The calmness I had observed a minute earlier was not just the calm after a storm, but a very apparent inner calmness and sweetness flowing out of her spirit. Her extreme anger and fear was gone. But because of her previous professions of faith, I knew only time would tell. It has been 2 1/2 weeks and her transformation is radical! In moments of temptation, she practices self-control. The inner turmoil is gone. She is no longer full of rage but full of joy. She is indeed her Heavenly Father's Joy! What a testimony to God's grace and mercy to have chosen this daughter of mine to be His! Thanks be to Him!
